The Daily Woes of a Prodigy
by dominusalthus
Summary: "Creep, pervert!" This is what happens every time L Lawliet tries to hit on a girl—and he just kept wondering why. [Drabble series, published as complete.]
1. Distractions

**The Daily Woes of a Prodigy**

by dominusalthus

**A/N: **I have been re-watching Death Note for days now (in Japanese, because what I originally saw was the English-dubbed version), and I fell in love with L and Near again. I came up with this idea while watching that episode where L was watching the lipstick commercial. I know L's attraction towards females wasn't particularly emphasized but L's a grown man, haha.

Anyway, read, enjoy, and review!

**I do not own Death Note or any of its characters.**

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L Lawliet was always doing the usual, observing things and controlling his team from his mini-workstation made up of a laptop, microphone, Ethernet cables, and speakers. But he knows he's a grown man, too, and sometimes, the thought of him being _alone _bothers him so much that 2% of his supposed productivity gets mindlessly consumed. By _alone_, he means help-me-I-am-some-kind-of-a-loser-who-doesn't-have-a-girlfriend kind of alone.

It's not like he doesn't try not to be alone though.

He just couldn't think of any reason or proper understanding why every time he attempts to hit on a girl, he gets slapped or kicked in the groin. Maybe, L knows everything on how the human mind and how it operates, except for one: the out-of-this-world mental faculty which is the female reasoning.

However, through the previous observations he made, he came up with the following conclusions and will attempt to use them for future plans, just in case finds the urge to pick up a girl again (provided there aren't any cases at hand).

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- - - Go on the next chapter - - -


	2. Of Perfumes

**The Daily Woes of a Prodigy**

by dominusalthus

**I do not own Death Note nor any of its characters.**

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Chapter 1: Perfume

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_Teito Hotel's bar isn't bad at all._

L thought to himself as he sat in the high chair right across the bartender, sucking on his lollipop—or rather the pitifully small piece of confection that remains clinging to the stick. His life revolves on these several things, anyway: solving cases, observing, and eating sweets. Sleeping is out of the question, never mind bathing or grooming, and don't even mention paying a visit to the dentist. _He will stab you with a spoon to death._

However, this night is one of those nights where he decides to be adventurous. Finding a girl proves to be the trickiest thing ever, just few notches above holding proper (and sane) conversations with a kiddy Mello. The kid is so fond of him that he tries to snog L every single time.

It was also a good thing that he had no big shot cases as of the moment, that way he could spend the night generously just in case he succeeded in his mission to swoon. No phone calls, no emails; just him and whatever fish he catches with his well-rehearsed plethora of pick-up lines.

Looking around the bar, he saw there where many couples having the time of their lives, flirting publicly, but he was at content that there were many other women _free for taking_.

_Hm… I wonder who… maybe the healthy blonde over there. I've heard lots of stuff about blondes. Maybe I could take her to my ro—_

"Excuse me, sir, what do you want to drink?" A young bartender partially broke his train of thoughts, but fortunately he had his _thinking position _so he had like 80% full-throttle on his plans on blonde women. You know, folded knees and thumb pressed on his lips. "Vodka, rhum, wine?"

"…" He took out the stick from his mouth and chucked it aside, not caring if it hits one of those kissing couples nearby, and appraised the bartender with a thoughtful look. "Do you have… triple-chocolate cake? And…hm, soda? Maybe add jellos as well?"

The bartender looked incredulously at him at first. Who the hell would order a cake in a bar when the hotel that he's staying in has a top-notch pâtisserie? But he thought, _customers are always right,_ and it's still to early to lose his job.

"Ah, sir. We er, have soda and jellos… but we don't have triple-chocolate cake." He almost swallowed his own spit and the guy couldn't do but chuckle nervously when L narrowed his eyes frighteningly at him.

"B-b-but I guess I c-could get you something else. H-how about a c-cream puff?"

His eyes contracted a few millimeters more. "…Is that sweet?"

"Y-yes sir."

"Okay, get me one." L smiled widely with sparkles in his eyes, but the bartender still frantically ran towards the kitchen to get away from this weird punter.

Finally, after a few minutes of craning his neck and thinking where the hell the bartender went (probably sulking in one corner of the kitchen, not wanting to come back out), a very attractive brunette woman clad in a chic and revealing black dress sat on the chair immediately next to him. Aside from her pouty lips and curvaceous physique, she also smelled really nice.

L's head automatically snapped to her face. He was ready for this scenario, he practiced this a while ago while eating chips.

_It's okay, you got this, Ryuuzaki. You got this, you're _the_ legend._

"Interesting." He said it aloud enough for her to hear, with a little too much of a faked optimistic macho-man voice on it. It looked like he succeeded, anyway. The woman turned on her seat to face him. Turns out she was celebrity-level pretty, too (or she might be, L just didn't know).

"Hey." She said smiling, but her brows were raised inquisitively. "Hm, you look funny. But you're cute."

"Interesting." He said again but this time he leaned closer, with his arm on the counter to support his weight. "I like it."

The woman grinned suggestively. "You like what?"

"Your smell." L made an effort to brush his other arm with her leg which was exposed from the awfully long slit of her dress. "It's quite interesting."

At this point, the woman tugged on the collar of his shirt and giving him this _come-hither _looks. If L's lucky, he might end up not being single tonight. He could literally feel it in his fingertips.

"Well, lover boy… How do I smell?" She almost purred at the end of her question. "Hmmm…?"

_This is it. The make-or break answer. You know what to do._

"…" L slightly backed away for a second to give her the most confident smile he could ever muster. Boldly, he started his move by tracing circles in her hand.

"You may not now this but… you smell… like a _brave_ stag."

.

.

.

_BRAVE STAG._

.

.

.

Several moments of awkward silence followed afterwards, with the woman's jaw hanging open, and then a loud clap resembling a thunder resounded that startled almost all people in the bar.

It was then L realized that he has never been slapped this hard by anyone before.

"What is wrong with her..." He gently rubbed the sore sport on his right cheek—the slap may leave a bruise—as he watched the woman angrily storm out of the bar. "The deer musk smells nice…"

He reached into his pocket to bring out an untouched stick of lollipop to keep himself from being depressed or having thoughts to run after the woman and give her a kick. "It looks like it's me and you again this night, huh."

Then he noticed the other bartender staring at him with a very shocked expression. Now, they should know better in acting in front of a hungry, momentarily sweet-deprived and disappointed L.

"Hey, man, where are my cream puffs, soda and jellos?!" He planted a fist on the counter to emphasize his point. "I have money, you know!"

The poor man hurriedly disappeared into the kitchen as well, murmuring several hundred strings which included _scary psychopath_, _alien, _and _weirdo _among others_._

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_L's Conclusion: Mission failed. Never compliment a woman's perfume. Never, ever, ever. One must leave it alone._

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End of chapter.

**A/n: **I could still clearly remember the first time when Light (or Rem, rather) killed L and I almost wanted to flip my table. L is just so awesome to be killed as easily as that. But I've seen the rip-offs about him, and they are good. Maybe I was just hoping for other actors to play him (like Mizobata Junpei, he's hot).

Anyway, those are the reasons why I really like reading / writing stories about L because his character remains unexplored. [On another note, it's a pity that the most attractive guy in the manga had to be Light. He would have been hot if he was a _real_ man, smart and all. I really liked him in the chapters where he lost his memories, yet I hated him so much when he's abusing Misa. Something must be wrong with me. :D ]

Please leave a review! Thaaank you! (You could patch in ideas as well, through reviews, or PMs.)

Up next—Chapter 2: Girls don't like it when you're nice.


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